It’s been a little over a month now since I became a Nanny and the little bundle of joy has fitted herself into the family as if she has been here forever… although it seems like yesterday I was there watching her come into the world.
One of my biggest regrets through my births was not having enough to photos to look back on.
For me a large part of labour is always a blur and I would love to have been able to capture those moments be they good or bad to document the highs and lows of childbirth.
I spoke to Alice about this and she was more than happy for me to be there with my camera to capture those moments you will never get back.
The original plan had been for Alice to stay at home for as long as she could and then once she had got to the stage she needed to go to the hospital I would meet her and her partner there.
As with many births things don’t go to plan and I got her face timing me at 6.30 in the morning bouncing around on a birthing ball, hair like a mad woman and a real sense of panic on her face.
Anyone that has experienced labour for the first time will understand the worry and fear of the unknown and sometimes all you need is that little bit of reassurance that everything will be ok.
I got round to her as quickly as I could and told her to take it easy as it was going to be a long day!
We reached the stage that she felt the need to go in and although she had managed to get to three centimetres without to much worry there was still that one centimetre to go before she would be admitted.
Home again, food eaten and a long bath was had and it wasn’t long before we were back in the car and in our way back again.
For me this is always an anxious time but Alice was taking things in her stride. Listening to the advice from the midwifes, staying mobile and coping much better than I would have thought…then the fun began!
The birthing pool was filled and for a good while she managed to stay calm and take each contraction as it came with a little help from gas and air.
The pain suddenly got far to imence for her and she started to lose control.
As much as Alice was going through the worst pain she had ever experienced, I was feeling the pain of ultimate helplessness and all I wanted to do was to take that pain away from her but there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
She was moved from the birthing pool to the labour ward as she was desperate to have an epidural and being so close I was trying my hardest to talk her round and just battle though those last few centimetres.
In my head I had for her my idea of the perfect birth and as bad as it seems I found it really hard to sit back and let her take control of her own decisions.
That Mum instinct kept kicking in and I realised that she was now a fully grown woman, capable of making her own decisions and I was going to have to let her go ahead and do what was right for her.
With the lack of anethitist and Alice not wanting a drip she managed to get through the next few hours on her own.
Screaming, shouting and in a complete state of panic there was nothing anyone could do to calm her down and it was honestly the most painful thing to watch as a mother.
She had lost control and nothing anyone said or did was going to comfort or calm her and I spend the next hour watching the clock that seemed to be on go slow. It was one of the lifestyle hours of my life.
It is your instinct to want to do all you can to comfort your child and childbirth takes this completely out of your hands.
You can be there but the battle lies with them and all you can do is support them as much as you can until that magical moment happens and your grandchild makes their way into the world.
That overwhelming rush of love flowed through my body in exactly the same was it had done with all my own births.
The tears were flowing and I knew from that moment things were going to change forever.
All the pain, worry and fear had left us both and we were left gazing at this perfect new life that was going to bring us such love.
All those new things we can help her discover, all those milestones that we can enjoy watching are laying out there in front of us as I was enternally grateful to have been allowed to be part of this once in a lifetime experience.
Birth is nothing short of a miracle and each new life coming into this world is a unique and beautiful event.
I was privileged to be able to go through every moment of this with my own daughter and is something that will be etched in my memory forevermore and I am so pleased that Alice now has a collection of these and more intimate photos to look back on and share with her own daughter in many years to come.