I have happily breastfed all of my brood. It has been a big struggle with all of them and always took a good few months to get into the swing of things with all of them but it is something I’m so happy I persevered with.
Now I’m onto number five who is still breastfeeding at 20 months and I’m asking myself ‘is this still for him or more for me!’.
As we all know it is suggested that we breastfeed our babies exclusively for the first 6 months. I can fully understand that this is their only source of nourishment if you chose to breastfeed and of course they are solely reliant on this for their development. For me as you are introducing food into their diet it is all so hit and miss as to what they are getting I feel happy to carry on demand feeding up until a year.
With the others they have swapped over to a beaker of cows milk more than happily by then and I’ve been quite happy that my job is done and they are moving onto their next milestone.
This time round things have been different and number five is still happily breastfeeding at night and I have made very little effort to break this cycle.
I know that he is a good eater and is getting more than he needs through his food and now all the feeding really is, is comfort. He has his bath, his pjs go on and he clambers onto my lap for ‘milky’. He wakes in the night and all he wants to do is snuggle up for a quick feed to comfort himself back off to sleep.
But in the odd occasion I’ve been out he’s not had that option and been more than ok to just nod off by himself! This is where I am feeling it more the fact I’m clinging onto the last part of my breastfeeding journey. As I said it’s been a hard one and even landed me on hospital with mastitis with number four. But it is by far the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done and I still don’t think I’m quite ready to end it just yet!
A few months ago after a wonderful child free day I had shared with my husband I wrote a post about the importance of making time for your marriage.
I had promised myself that I would set time aside for us both to have a date night once a month. This hasn’t really taken off and it is all down to me and the effort and guilt it takes to leave the house when you have little ones.
Hubby had put his foot down this week and booked cinema tickets so I simply couldn’t wriggle out of it!
So the military operation to leave the house alone begins. They all need to be rounded up from the different schools, nurseries and clubs they are all at on a Friday afternoon. Of course to make things awkward they are all late just to mess my limited time frame up a bit more.
Next up is feeding time at the zoo, a seemingly mess free oven dinner is prepared but they still manage to cover every surface of the entire kitchen which then takes hours to clean up before sticking them all in the bath to get cleaned up before the baby sitter arrives.
Babies cleaned and in their PJs I now try to get myself looking vaigly presentable for the general public when I can hear a huge gush of water! Yes number three has managed to pull the basin from the wall in the bathroom causing a flood all over my just cleaned kitchen!
More time was spent cleaning up another disaster and I still had the youngest who is still breastfed fed and settled. I finally sit down hair half done and jeans still drying on the radiator when my husband walks through the door all fresh and ready as he is able to get ready child free at work glaring at me for not being ready.
I eventually manage to get out the door with the guilt of leaving a crying baby, shouting at my husband if he won’t settle I’m coming straight home and we are being completly selfish for leaving a crying a baby just to satisfy our own needs.
A frosty drive into town was then eased by a video sent from the babysitter of some more than happy children snuggled on the sofa.
A couple of glasses of wine in, an uninterrupted conversation and the choice of something else rather than Cebebbies to watch then made the stress and the guilt of the last few hours all worth it.